Book of Wisdom
by Imagine-belle
Summary: S5 finale fix. Different characters POVs [WIP] - What if detonating the bomb set things yet unseen in motion? What if purgatory isn't the first next place Juliet and Sawyer might meet again? What if some things are meant to be no matter what may have happened? Daniel's theory being tested to the max, but at what cost?
1. Prologue

Goal: fix season 5 finale (although it was heart breaking and I'm a sucker for drama, killing off Juliet was... well unnecessary in my humble opinion).

Please note: The story of my life is that I don't get into the most brilliant series until they are cancelled. I did know about Lost's existence, but never took the time and effort to watch it (I know, shame on me). Curiosity got the best of me in September 2012 (yes... I know) and I watched it and was hooked. I've seen the series 3 or 4 times in its entirety, however I don't classify myself as a Lost-opedia. Some things may be off (sorry in advance). Oh, one important thing: Sawyer and Juliet are my Lost OTP. This story might be drenched with it.

I loved the fifth (and the third) season and the entire time travelling story intrigued me. I know there are a few very well written and (almost) completed stories on this site (I loved them!), but I want to give this a try; how confusing it may be at times, I hope it will show another possibility to fix the finale. Please bear with me.

It may be a messy story, cause for starters I don't write a lot (and I sometimes have over-ambitious plans) and English isn't my first language, but I've been told I shouldn't doubt myself in that area because I passed my CPE exams at C1 level... still.

* * *

**Prologue**

The worn and see able used cover of the book in her lap, didn't only look old, but it smelt as if it had seen more of the world and hardship in it than she herself has ever experienced. While opening the novel, the normally white pages were creamed coloured, dog ears could easily be seen throughout the pages and the first thing that caught her eye were five words written on the first page in a neat handwriting.

**Important. Read. Learn. Remember. Add.**

The only other form of text added on the page was '2008'. She let a finger linger on the words, carefully tracing them, following their flow. A deep sigh. She turned the page and was stunned by just the way the entire page was filled in the same, yet a bit smaller, neat handwriting. It never faltered nor were there any mistakes made. Another sigh. No time like the present.

_01. _

_I've been told stories, theories, lies, myths. Most of them I have forgotten, some are embedded in my mind. Once in while I remember them. However, there are two that linger in my mind every day._

_They weren't told to me today nor yesterday nor last week. I don't remember when they were. It doesn't feel as long ago as it might be, but - if I understood correctly- sometimes, time doesn't matter. We might cling to the notion that time has to matter, simply because if it isn't a, or perhaps the constant in our lives, we aren't grounded; our point of reference to whatever we did, do and are doing, will be lost. Our minds need structure and without the structure of time, we are basically lost._

_The bottom line: time is relative. One's timeline doesn't have to add up to our structurally chronological design. To be quite specific: you can see dead people. In fact, you can even see dead people, while they are still alive. Time travelling is the only plausible explanation, and I have to admit that, until recently, I always thought that the person who told me these stories years ago, was trying to confuse me to sleep. I didn't get a story; one huge mind-blowing riddle was given to me and, well, a good night._

_The other story is originally Plato's, however slightly altered to my wise story teller's believes. In Greek mythology they believe in true love; two people that are destined to be together, throughout time and lives. The story in which the people from this ancient civilisation believed is, that long before they lived, people used to have two head, four legs and four arms: in short, two humans glued together. They were powerful and the Olympian gods feared them. Although they could have killed the humans in blink of an eye, Zeus decided to punish the humans. Killing them would mean the gods lost their tributes. So he splits them right through the middle: every human being ended up with half the limps they used to have. Yet there was one part of their former human bodies, of which they didn't possess more than one. One part that had to be severed in two halves: their soul. Since that time, since that Zeus had split them into two, people have been searching for the other part of their soul. Only that person, the other half, can make them feel complete and fill that hole that was created almost two dozen centuries ago. They are soul mates. _

_Although the story might be long forgotten, souls are still trying to find each other. In some lives they spend years together, in others they meet each other in one's last moments on earth. Unfortunately, some lives are altered. Their paths of destiny are re-written, changed forever and when dying, irreversible. Then, dead equals dead, forever._

_Time can't be changed. Even if we'd agree on that time travelling is a real possibility. You can't change what happened, because it was supposed to happen. Whether you go back to the past or travel to the future: that is your destiny. You are supposed to be there. Unlike possibly the entire universe, my source's opinion was that in some cases, even time can be altered. That events occur as a sum of several variables meeting each other at one specific point in time. That if you change a variable, you might save souls. Nonetheless, a theory that isn't backed up with data, remains a theory, a hypothesis. A bedtime story for those who like complex puzzles, may have insomnia or were as lucky as I was, for having a open minded guardian._


	2. Chapter 1: Haunted bright light

**A/N:** This RP trained English speaker doesn't know the first thing about correctly using Sawyer's charming 'Southern drawl'. My apologies.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Haunted bright light**

He shut all the windows shades he was close to and were in reach. It wasn't as if he was afraid of heights nor that he was in a plane while his last flight ended in a disaster. It was the light. The bright light that made him remember. The sun that shone inside, warming his face, reality hitting him second after second. She was gone. Every single detail of her face he tried to grasp, desperately to remember, knowing he would never see it again. Her bright blue eyes. Gone. Her beautiful smile. Gone. The three years they spent on the island, the up and the downs. Never to happen again. All shattered by a bright light in a matter of seconds.

He saw her fall in his mind, again and again. In every single ray of sun light, over and over again, breaking his heart in uncountable pieces. Unconsciously, he balled his fists.

_"I love you, James. I love you so much." He had seen the pain in her eyes. Next to regret of not believing him earlier, distancing herself from him. She had been afraid of the possible rejection. Afraid he would choose Kate over her. But the truth of her words shone the brightest in her eyes: her eternal love for him. And then she fell; followed by a bright flash._

_"Don't you leave me!" He couldn't even forget the words, no matter how hard he tried. He never begged for anything until he met her. He begged her for two weeks when they ended up in the 70's. He almost begged her to move in with him. It surprised him he didn't have to go there at all to convince her. Now he was begging her not to let go. _

_"It's okay." She looked scared and confident at the same time. Right then, he knew she would let go. His begging wouldn't convince her this time. He would have died for her, with her if he had to. Deep down, he knew she wouldn't let him. Just the thought alone made him love her more. And then she fell again. Bright light._

_"It didn't work." He knew she wasn't going to make it. His gut told him. He felt it in his bones. He dismissed it all. She just couldn't die. He didn't know how to be him without her. She looked broken, blood covering almost every part of her body and his heart ached. Every second, a part of him died. __"I hit the bomb." His mind went blank. "I wanted you to be able to go home." She always cared for him. For everyone, putting her own needs last. Another flash. _

"Go away, Freckles." He didn't have to open his eyes to know it was the brunette who had put her hand on his fist. He may have loved her once, however his love for her was zilch compared to how Juliet made him feel. Still, he remembered the way Kate's touch could be. "Rack off. I ain't in the mood."

"Sawyer..." She tried. He had to give her credit for her stubbornness. She always pushed the boundaries, at times achieving her goal.

"No living soul on this plane goes by that name anymore." He heard her sigh.

"You've changed," she simply stated.

"No I haven't." He knew he hadn't changed. His Sawyer-side had always been a mask, a barrier between his true self and the rest of the world. His way to protect his heart. "She brought back the person who I used to be a very long time ago. She never judged me." He knew it was wrong, accusing Kate of judging him. He saw the hurt on her face, but he couldn't care less. It was the truth. Neither one of them said something.

"I know how you feel." He seriously didn't care about whether Kate's feeling for Jack were comparable to his for Juliet. A part of him wished he had died on the island, not having to live with the loss, but at the same time, she gave him the chance to leave that bloody rock. He couldn't disgrace her memory by dying in the first opportunity that presented itself.

"You got what you came for. You found Claire." He couldn't say it. Say he was sorry Jack died. At least not yet. "We all lost something on the island."

"More than just something."

"You can say that again." He stared into nothing. They had been in the air for quite some time and reality started to catch up with him. Killing Duckett in Australia, setting foot on civilised land within hours. Being alone in a world he hadn't been part of for the last three years. Conquering it all without the one person most precious to him. "What am I going to do, Kate?"

"What do you mean?" She didn't catch his thought.

"What's my purpose? What the hell am I going to do with my life? My miserable, sad life." She didn't need to know about why he was in Australia in the first place. He didn't expect her to come up with one good reason.

"Clementine." One word, three syllables. The last one on his list of things he'd guessed Kate to say. "She's a pretty and feisty little girl. Just like her father." He froze. "I did what you asked me to do."

"Cassidy is going to kill me first." Kate snickered.

"Probably, yeah. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try. You're going to regret it if you don't." They talked about Clementine in Dharmaville, he and Juliet over a few beers. About her existence and his decision not wanting to be in her life. He asked her if it bothered her he had a child. Once in a while he mentioned his daughter, just like she told him about Rachel and Julian. Rachel and Julian. It just hit him.

"What are you going to do when we're landing?" Kate didn't answer his question. She looked across the aisle and both their eyes fell on Claire. She needn't to answer his question. He knew she was going to complete her mission. She wasn't going to run away for once in her life.

"You?" she countered? A single word left his lips.

"Miami."


	3. Chapter 2: I never saw blue like that

Title of this chapter is part of a song I love covered by Julie Atherton: "Never Saw Blue Like That"

**Chapter 2 - I never saw blue like that**

"James!" She couldn't suppress her giggles. Juliet had been looking for a clean jumpsuit for her shift this morning when she came across her housemate's clean ones. "Since when are you wearing blue jumpsuits?"

"Those are yours, Sunshine!" she heard him yell from the kitchen area. It might have been early in the morning, but both of them had an early shift. During their first weeks living together in their own yellow home for the next nth years, they had decided on splitting the chores. Today, it was his turn to prepare breakfast. The fact that they were probably waking up the entire compound by yelling on their part of Dharma, didn't really matter to them. "They hand-stitched your name on it, remember." James added.

"I wasn't talking about the dark blue ones." It had been James' turn to do the laundry yesterday (one of his chores ) and every once in a while he forgot. The motor pool coveralls shouldn't be in the same batch of laundry with preferably anything else. The grease strains and oil spills weren't the problem; it was the dark colour that tend to run during the washing, no matter how many times they had been washed.

"It's too early to be pulling my leg." She heard his footsteps coming closer. Juliet took one of his now blueish work clothes, put it in front of her frame and waited until he entered the room.

"I have to admit baby-blue is quite a cute colour. I even reckon it matches your eyes." James couldn't believe what he was seeing. He looked from the jumpsuit Juliet was holding, to the others on the pile besides her and back to her obviously humoured face. Every single one of his jumpsuits that he had put in the washing machine together with only one of Juliet's the day before, now had various shades of blue. The original creamish colour was nowhere to be detected anymore.

"All of them?" Juliet just nodded, a big smile plastered on her face, her bright blue eyes sparkling. James just groaned. "I'm taking a day off."

"I'd suggest to take a week off. The new batch of clothing isn't coming in until next week when the sub'll be here with the new recruits." She countered without missing a beat. When he sighed, a giggle escaped, again. "I never pegged you to be afraid of what others think about you." Juliet put the jumpsuit with the others on the pile and took a few steps towards him. "You know, I remember this peculiar pair of glasses you wore on the beach."

"I'm a respectable man now." He smiled. "I didn't give a damn about what most of those yahoos thought about me then."

"So I noticed, but to be honest be with you. I reckon the female half of the Dharma population wouldn't mind what you are wearing. They'll follow you like puppies anyways."

"You're exaggerating." James scoffed. Juliet simply shook her head.

"You're well aware that they are doing so." She decided not to tell him that she also noticed that he flirted with them. Deep down, she somehow knew that it was in his nature. That it didn't mean anything to him. Or at least not as much as it meant to these Dharma ladies. Yet every single time she witnessed such a scene she just wanted to be alone, to run, to curl up in a ball and disappear for a while. There were nights she was trying to understand why his behaviour effected her so much. It hurt. In time, she'd learn. "I dare you to wear them."

The moment the words left her mouth, she saw he was interested in whatever she decided to offer him. His eyes told her some many small things about him. He could subtly roll his eyes in annoyance, while his posture would tell most of mankind he was quite interested in anything the Dharma folks were telling him at times. The hurt in his eyes, when people asked him about his youth; he just told them it wasn't the most wonderful time in his life and cleverly diverted to subject into another direction.

She knew about his life. The facts. That's what Ben's files were; a very extensive list of facts consisting of articles, medical and criminal records, and any other kind of piece of written information her former boss could have gotten his hands on. Fairly early on in their stay in the 70's, she learnt most of her conclusions on James' personality based on that file, were huge and incredibly misguided suppositions. She had suspected it during her short stay on the beach; her doubts only increasd here in Dharmaville.

"Just until the sub comes in." One friggin' week.

"What's in it for me?"

"A favour?"

"That's going to be a big one, Sunshine. One that will cover the torment of wearing those for a week" While speaking, he vaguely pointed towards the pile on the ground. His eyes didn't leave hers.

"We'll see." She just smiled. Silence filled the room. Juliet was folding the jumpsuits, when James smelt the bacon burning. In a blur he left the laundry room.

A few minutes later, Juliet entered the kitchen area of their home. Wearing her dark blue coveralls, she put the lightest of James' ruined working clothes on the table. "James?" She waited till he turned around to face her. Neither of them were angry, but she felt the urgence to explain herself. "It's not about the colour of the uniform. It's about the name they put on it. As long as you wear your name with pride, it makes you the person who you are. The person I'm starting to get to know better, piece by piece every day. I see what every one sees here: a wonderful, helpful, kind and funny man, who has a temper every now and then. That's who you are." She handed him the neatly folded uniform. He took it, his hand lingering on hers. "When you're proud of who you are, when you wear your name with pride, the colour shouldn't matter. It could be hot pink for all I care."

"You're starting to cross the line there." He smiled. "But thanks. I guess I needed to hear that."

"You shouldn't second guess yourself."


	4. Chapter 3: I have confidence in me

I've been watching and listening to the Sound of Music too much during the holidays. Some how "I have confidence in me" managed to wriggle itself into the story. But you gotta love Julie Andrew, don't you?

I don't own Lost nor do I own the Smurfs. I'm not completely sure when they made their first appearance in the US, so for the sake of the story is in the 80's ;)

* * *

**Chapter 3 - I have confidence in me**

_Awfully Blue Coverall week day 2 of 7_

The first thing that came to mind the next morning when James woke up, excluding the occasional swearing directed to the old-fashioned alarm clock, was 'blue'. Those hideous blue jumpsuits were going to be the end of him. In a way he knew he was being childish, because his inner conman had faced worse in those days. He couldn't pinpoint the exact reason why the staring of his new Dharma buddies was bothering him, but the nagging feeling started to become really annoying. Perhaps it just wasn't his week. He never counted down days to something, but the 'awfully blue coverall' week should have ended before it actually started in James' humble opinion. Preferably I shouldn't have happened at all.

A summary of Juliet's pep talk yesterday had started to become a mantra in his head, repeating over and over again: "Colour doesn't matter as long as you're proud of how you are, James." Before he had even left his home the other day, it had been engraved in his mind. Miles made sure of that.

Just like every single morning (when they were working the same shift that is) Miles came by their house to go to work. It was a leftover habit from their first weeks in the Dharma Initiative. Miles thought it to be safe to have James near him while going to and being at work (and therefore being close to Horace), considering James was the brain of their DI con. "You're the expert. It was your way of earning a living," was the reason Miles told him every time James told him he didn't need someone to hold his hand, feed him and made sure he'd come home safely. When Juliet and James got their own yellow cottage, Miles just came by every time they shared a shift.

"Man, what happened to you?" Miles does know how to make an entrance.

"Didn't your parents teach you the art of knocking before entering someone's property?" James countered. "Oh wait, technically you aren't born yet!" Miles dismissed the latter. Thinking about his younger, yet to be born self, made him nervous.

"You look like a Smurf"

"Don't tell the Dharma folks. Technically, Smurfs aren't introduced to our back-in-time friends yet." Juliet singsonged from the kitchen area.

"Figuring you're wearing blueish, I assume it happened to all of your work clothes?" A nod was all what needed to start Miles' laughing fit.

"Enos, I don't need more attention than I'll probably get in this. Let's get to work."

And staring and pointing they did. It didn't matter it was day 2. Yesterday, Horace only asked him what had caused his coloury appearance; James simply explained the facts. Horace was probably the only one that didn't judge him.

_ABC week day 3 of 7_

He had been hoping that after seeing him in the blue suit for two days straight, Miles would stop laughing, but he had never been so wrong. The staring didn't stop either. He volunteered watching the monitors for the day. Although they were in the DI for over nine months, he was still walking on eggshells. He didn't want to attract any more attention towards them than they had already had. His bunch of people were different and he couldn't blame Horace and company for not completely trusting them. He wouldn't have if he had come across a group of lunatics like them. Miles is, was and will always be one of a kind.

_ABC week day 4 of 7_

NIGHT SHIFT THANK GOODNESS. Probably the best day yet of this horrible week.

_ABC week day 5 of 7_

"You don't have to wear them, you know." Juliet told him at breakfast. He had the morning off.

"Sunshine, what else should I wear? Have you already forgotten they're all blue?"

"Wear mine?" The idea was tempting. Simply because they were hers. The thought left his mind as soon as it had entered it. He would never be good enough for her.

"Bet is a bet, girly. You ain't gonna win so easy." He'll make the Dharma guys see he has confidence in him. He will impress them and somehow it would make their entire situation a lot better.

"I have to go. Do I see you tonight?" Juliet asked him after giving him a peck on his cheek. James just nodded.

After cleaning the dishes he took a random novel from the bookshelf and started reading.

"Brainy, I need your help!" Miles had barged in, his face reddened as if he'd been running for hours. James put down his book and just looked at him.

"Because I'm such a good friend, Enos, I'm not going to make any lighthouse jokes right now even though you're perhaps more red than some of them actually are." Miles pulled a face, appreciation wasn't readable on it at all.

"There might be some hostiles near our borders. We need to check it out."

_ABC week day 6 of 7_

Best day of the week. Day off equals normal clothing. No hostiles were seen the day before and they had scanned the entire grid plus the surrounding areas to be safe. He closed his eyes once more and slept in.

_The end of ABC week!_

"What will this day be like?" He mused out loud while entering the bathroom. Juliet was brushing her hair.

"New coveralls for starters," Juliet answered him, looking at him via the mirror. "New recruits as well." James nodded. "I also heard some of the staff will be going back to Ann Arbor when the sub'll leave again. There might be some new job application up in a few days."

"That would be nice as well. As long as they are in my field of occupation, Sunshine." Juliet put her brush down.

"Just wait and see. The future will tell us in time."

"That's just too cliché and awfully cruel at the same time for someone living in the past" They were both looking at each other via the mirror. James put his arms around her and laid his head on hers. "You're forgetting one important thing, Blondie." She looked offended by the nickname, but he couldn't care less. "You owe me a favour." A moment of silence followed; them just looking at each other. "Gotta go to work. I'll see you at the recruits' center with a fresh set of nice and clean and cream-coloured jumpsuits."

* * *

That morning, he felt as if he was the king of Craphole island. Nothing seem to dampen his spirits. Not even Phil and his one and only lame joke containing blue he had been able to come up with (What's cream-coloured but smells like blue dye? James' supposedly cream-coloured suit) managed to ruin the day.

"Phil, I'm off to the marina. You know, the usual on recruits' day." He didn't even wait for an answer.

* * *

He briefly saw Juliet before the recruits arrived and they started to crowd the room. Being part of the security team, it was his job to make sure nothing happened, smile and say "Namaste" at lot. He should charge the DI for every time he'd say that word. He'd be rich.

New people, new names and new faces. When most of the people had left the building and were led to their new houses, only a few remained, the last of this bunch of recruits. When he saw blonde at the other side of the room, he walked towards her and put a hand on her shoulder. "There you are, Blondie. I was afraid you'd already gone home."

When her head turned, he realised it wasn't Juliet at all. Within a millisecond he retracted his hand. "I'm so sorry, miss?"

"My name is Mya," the girl added. "And no worries. I reckon I won't be the only blonde woman in the Dharma Initiative."

"That, you're not." He couldn't help but stare. Quite ironic, he'd been at the receiving end of that the entire week. "Welcome to the Dharma Initiative, Mya. I'm LaFleur and I'm part of the security team." She looked too familiar. "Once again, my apologies. I had mistaken you for someone else." She nodded understandingly and smiled. "Namaste."


End file.
